Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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