I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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