big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
