Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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