i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
