My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
