You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
false alarm, still single
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
