There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
