You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
