The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
