what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
