he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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