Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
