Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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