Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
