proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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