I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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