I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
