Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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