Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
