note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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