I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't turn off my feet"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
