do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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