i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
