Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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