I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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