home. puking in laundry basket.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
