My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Semen is not good for contacts.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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