Your mouth is God's brothel.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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