it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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