Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
