god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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