But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
