You're earring is so big in my mouth
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
