The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
