So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
