apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
