the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
