At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
