mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
