yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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