I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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