I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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