these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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