I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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