I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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