He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
