my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
