After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
