found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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