she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
