forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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