she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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