FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize