if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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