Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
