It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
