Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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