i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
