Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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