There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
