your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
