Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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