his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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