1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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