I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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