Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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