Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
