you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
