Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
