He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize