I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
