my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He felt like a one man threesome
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
