I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
