Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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