i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
