It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
