These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
